By Glenn Stevenson
The following article appeared in Glenn’s July 2009 newsletter.
This month I want to talk to you about a major way that we keep ourselves from happiness. We can keep ourselves from happiness by believing that we need to accomplish a bunch of things or achieve a certain goal before we can be happy.
The list of things I think I have to do is often a mile long, with things great and small. Promote my business, get my home in order, do the wash, help my mother with something she needs, read my email, research and buy that new computer I need, take the dog to the vet, get the house painted, pay the electric bill… This is what my list can look like. What about yours?
I can fall into the trap of thinking that if I can just get through all these things and accomplish my goals I will be happy. Yet at the end of these lists, yours and mine, is not happiness. This is so for me because in fact there is no end to the list. As I accomplish things, it is all too easy to tack things onto the bottom. And what happened to happiness in the meantime?
Now doing things is an important part of our lives. In fact, I am reminded of a central tenet of life coaching that espouses “forwarding the action.” The action is toward those things we want in our lives and are supposed to make us happier. The problem arises when our actions become strivings, struggles, and demands upon ourselves.
Let’s take for an example something that, if we have it in our lives, makes circumstances more conducive to our happiness. Orderly, uncluttered space can give us a sense of ease and freedom. Yet if the action toward creating an orderly space starts to weigh on our minds and becomes a demand or a striving, then we have lost in the moment what we are trying to create. So let us give up the striving—and be happy with the way it is for now. This is not to say do nothing. It is to say that taking action is important only if it does not create the distress that we are attempting to alleviate.
So how do you “be happy now” with all that is going on. There are a number of ways, but I will suggest two very powerful ones.
The first is acceptance. Take a breath and accept the way things are. Then take the action toward how you want things to change.
The second is gratitude. Think of ways you are grateful for the way things are, and see how that turns your attitude around toward happiness, right now!
All in all, the key is to “be happy now.” Don’t postpone happiness until all your projects are completed or goals are reached. If you do, you may wait a long time. Be happy now. Then from this way of being, go ahead and take action. Forward the action with serenity and detachment, and see what your efforts produce. That way you can be happy now, AND be happy when your results arrive as well.
This is Glenn Stevenson with Self Sense Coaching and Counseling. Until next month, I wish you happiness now!
