By Glenn Stevenson
The following article appeared in Glenns October 2008 newsletter.
This is Glenn Stevenson, therapist and personal coach. Today Im going to speak with you about the four stages of change. Change, that thing that we all want in some fashion or other, but we find so difficult to make happen. The four stages of change are:
1. The Unawareness Stage
2. Awareness with No Action
3. Awareness with Fumbling Action
4. Awareness with Easy Action
So lets look at each of these stages of change, and as we do so, you might apply it to an area in your life that you would like to change.
The first stage is the Unawareness Stage. In this stage, you are oblivious to what would be better for you. Sometimes our friends know, our family knows, our spouse knows, even casual acquaintances may know immediately what behavior or way of thinking would make life easier for us, would help us, or would support us more. We can be the last to know.
For example, remember the last time you ran into someone who was extremely and unnecessarily apologetic, and you said to yourself, Boy, he or she just doesnt need to be that way? He or she might not even know yet.
The second stage of change is Awareness with No Action. Okay, so somewhere along the line, we get the message. Life has nudged us, alerted us, maybe even banged us over the head enough times to where we know its time for a change. Maybe our friends have told us enough times, or maybe something has happened enough times that we make the connection with similar consequences that have occurred to us in the past. But at some point, we wake up.
Do we do anything about it right away? Usually not. Usually we become aware a change in our thinking or our behavior would benefit us but we remain frozen in the old ways.
Lets take an example. Lets say you become aware it would be better for you to set firmer boundaries. You decide you dont have always to say yes to what others want from you. You decide you dont always have to be nice and try to please others. So what do you do the next time someone wants you to do them a favor, say, take them to the store because they have to get something right away, and its right in the middle of when youre doing something else? Well, you probably do it. You probably do the favor for them. Youre just not ready for the change yet.
The third stage of change is Awareness with Fumbling Action, or sometimes I call it Awareness with Inelegant Action. Okay, so youve suffered long enough through knowing it would be good for you to change. Youve suffered the consequences of avoiding or indulging in the old behavior or way of thinking enough times that youre ready to push through the fear of doing something differently. So what do you do? Well, you actually push through that fear and inexperience of doing it a different way, and you do something differently.
And you live happily ever after, right? Not! There is this stage of Awareness with Fumbling Action in which you do your best to do it differently, but you frankly dont do it very well.
Again, lets say youre learning to set limits or say No to others when you dont want to do something. The person asks you the favor. You stutter and fumble and say, Well, maybe, but its kind of hard now, but if you really want me to do it I can, but if you can wait, Id really rather not do it until later. Or you come up with some excuse for why you cant do it now, and you hope they forget by later.
There are many variations on fumbling action. You may even say or do something that you later beat up on yourself about because it was so inelegant. But at least its a change in action or way of thinking. Actually, congratulations are in order, not recriminations.
The fourth stage of change is Awareness with Easy, Elegant Action. Finally, after enough practice at recognizing and thinking or doing differently, you arrive. Change has become fully integrated in this stage. This is the stage we would all love to be at all the time. When the situation arises, you easily use new behavior or thinking and you reap the benefits that friends and family knew were there for you back in the Unawareness Stage. You reap the benefits you began to know existed for you in the Awareness but No Action Stage.
In our limit-setting example, you say No to your friend, that youre busy now, and you hope they can find another ride to the store. And you do so without guilt. You may suggest an alternative to their proposal, or maybe not. The point is, you know what is best for you, and youre going to behave in a way that promotes that.
So there you have it, the four stages of change:
1. Unawareness
2. Awareness with No Action
3. Awareness with Fumbling Action, and
4. Awareness with Easy, Elegant Action
So where are you in the process with an important change you want to make in your life? Wherever you are, just know that youre human, going through the normal change process. And keep up the good work.
This is Glenn Stevenson, with Self Sense Coaching and Counseling. Until next time, Im wishing you the change youre going for in your life.
